Guitar Hero...

So our family is settling down nicely into a routine of work/school, soccer practices, teaching night classes and going to grad school... All without the help of our stay at home Grandmother whom we were all spoiled by from Thanksgiving to the first week of January. I love my Momma and all of the TLC she lavished on us during her stay!! I miss her laughing, our conversations and dinners that are ready when I walk through the door :)

Even with all of the chaos of our lives post-spoiling our oldest guy has still been practicing guitar fiendishly, from the time he wakes up till beyond his allotted bed time, if he is home, he is strumming. It is an awesome thing to have a child who is so devoted to his music (it is even ok to have to lovingly impose boundaries on when it is ok to play and when you HAVE to wash dishes, take out trash, do your homework or let your brother get some sleep)

While he is working on finding his balance between his life and his art, we have been enjoying the fruits of his labour. I'm sure everyone says this about their kid, but he is incredibly talented. We have a wonderful musician in our house! As soon as he began taking lessons last year we knew he had found his "thing" and his continuous and rapid improvement makes me want to document his journey so we had him ask his guitar teacher, a former student of Matt's, to help him record a CD with a few of his best songs on it.

The coolest part, for me, was that when his guitar teacher suggested having someone sing on the CD, Maris asked me if I would do it! So now I get to "jam" with my step son while cooking dinner and hanging out around the house in the evenings. I am having such a good time with this, he is very easy to work with... if only it were this easy to get him to clean his room!!

I am very glad to have music as a way to bond with my oldest boy. It bothers me to think that the baby we are waiting for will get to spend so little time living with his/her uber cool oldest brother. He is a very special guy. You can't have everything though, and while life is sweet, I will savour it... and maybe see if my guitar hero would be willing to learn how to play a few lullabies for his little brother or sister :)

in which the wicked stepmother tortures her poor step sons

So we went to the pediatrician yesterday since the kids had to get their physicals done (much hilarity ensued apparently when the "turn your head and cough" part of the exam was carried out... I could hear the giggles from down the hall.
Then things turned sour. Our paperwork indicates a need for TB testing which is done by injecting a little serum under the skin to see if there is a reaction... I swore to my needle phobic youngest boy that, having just had this done my self, it was no big deal and he would barely feel it. So the nurse accidental went too deep made him bleed and he teared up and then look right at me with murder in his eyes for my apparent fraudulent claims, and he began to sob quietly. I felt like a jerk, but it really shouldn't hurt. It didn't hurt the big guy when he had his 10 seconds later.
The real kicker came when the next needle came out, this time for a "real" shot, the kind that goes right into the muscle. Big guy took his with a little wince and the nurse turned back to the youngest. He went rigid and refused to be vaccinated. He is 11 and in the 95th percentile for weight and height and is quite a strong guy... also very stubborn.
He had decided that there was no way this needle was going into his arm. He bargained, begged, shouted, ducked, squirmed and was threatened by his dad to no avail. Finally my big strong husband pinned him to the table and the nurse jabbed him while he screamed bloody murder (for about 5 seconds until he realised that it did not actually hurt)
I stood in the hallway with our oldest guy and cried a bit my self. If I can't handle an 11 year old crying at a shot, what am I going to do when they jab my baby??
The tears may have been a bit guilt related, after all, His dad and I are the ones who decided to adopt a baby, why should he have to be a pin cushion on our behalf? Still, its all done now and everyone has been pronounced healthy and in no need of further prodding for at least six months! Whew!!!
So I bought them both a big bag of candy and let them each eat the whole thing before dinner.... I'm a sap.

in which the home study continues....

These two charming gents (yes I am such a slacker that summer was the last time I caught the 2 of them on film at the same time!) are on their way to the pediatrician today to do their part for their new little sibling and then we will be all finished with the medical side of the process.

At this point it has taken so long to organize this around every one's schedule that I am left wondering why I am quite foolish enough to have begun a home study two weeks before thanksgiving... did I not realize that appointments, and courthouses, and DMVs would all conspire against our finishing this part of the process in any type of timely way? Just goes to show that I am never quite as well prepared to meet life's challenges as I think!!

Still and all, I am excited that the holidays are over and the process is moving again. Since we are on a domestic path for our first adoption this one should (fingers crossed) be a little lighter on the paper work than our tentatively planned second adoption in which we hope very much to adopt an older child from Africa.

I do love the idea that a girl like me with no discernible trace of fertility could one day be the mother of four beautiful people from all over the world and from various different beginnings. (I am, as usual, way ahead of myself here!)

Step parenting has been a lovely life lesson about how much you can love an older child whom you not only did not give birth to, but who grew up with a world view untouched by you until you first met. Well, that is quite enough rambling from this Ravenstahl!!

Going to the dogs...

So as part of our home study paperwork, we have to certify that all living breathing members of our family are healthy and will in no way be a detriment to our newest family member. The older ones, including adorable older stepson, must be finger printed and have criminal background checks... very official! (Maris is actually quite pleased that he gets to be in on the police station fun... he's a nut, what can I say!)

So, since my dogs are living, and from the wretched breath, I know still breathing, they must also be completely "vetted"... get it? (it's a weak pun, but it's all I've got today.)

So I called my vet to see what this process would entail (i.e. cost) and I was presented with a $500 dollar estimate. After I picked my jaw up off the floor and reminded my self that the three of them are precious to us, no matter the cost, I began to phone around. I have now found a nice vet office where a friend of mine works who will do all the basics and sign off on all the paperwork for the bargain price of $300.

Do you know that it cost all four people a whopping $60 total to get the same, or similar thing accomplished? And we ask questions, talk back, and make lame jokes about paper gowns. I guarantee that my puppies will be easier to deal with.

It makes me feel very grateful for health insurance. It also makes me think that next time I consider getting a dog, I should just donate $300 to the local Quaker meeting that has a program to buy insurance for the uninsured.

On a totally different and completely braggy note, youngest step Son is getting an award tonight for being a scholar/athlete. This means he made it through all of his football season with A's and B's despite 9 hours of practice a week.... what a kid!

That Lonesome Road

Ever feel like you are the only person in your daily contact life that has a clue what this whole thing feels like?
I bet other people don't have to spend $500 at the vet to ensure that their dogs don't get in the way of parenthood (homestudy paperwork)
I am also pretty sure that pregancy does not require a check of smoke detector and fire escape plans either... but maybe it should...
It just reminds me that my nutty life would make me feel very strange if I didn't have this forum to help me connect with other step moms and waiting adoptive parents... now if I could only find the step parent/waiting parent/ designated husband's first wife as new baby's gaurdian (in case we die) forum then I might truly feel like I was one among many!!!!
Seriously though. I am so greatful for you all... :)

Please Read This

So often I am overwhelmed by the love of the international/transracial adoption community. I feel so privileged to be a part of this wonderful world.
Like so many other wonderful things in my life, it has a boundary and beyond that boundary lies a somewhat more intense often crueler world. As my family journeys towards it's next member I find my self researching the world outside of the embracing, loving adoption blogosphere.
i recently read this article www.thestranger.com/seattle/black_kids_in_white_houses/Content?oid=787542 and I have to say that although it has some very difficult bits, in the end I found it to be useful and I did not finish it feeling hopeless... rather, it left me cautiously optimistic about what I can do for my child if I am willing to stand up and move out of my own comfort zone.
Just food for thought... this article is not a representation of my opinions, just something I felt I could pass on.

Turkey Day... one day late.

So I am cooking turkey the day after thanksgiving. What bennies does this offer other than having, this morning, paid no more that $0.75 for any one dinner ingredient thanks to day after sales?
Well, it means I get to eat with more members of my clan. My mom arrived late last night from China, so we can enjoy our feast and celebrate her return.
Missing from our table are my dad, still in China, and my brother ands his wife who managed to get out of Mumbai a few days ahead of the massacre, thank God.
Adding to our fun blend, we did have the boys momma, Laura, her hubby and their baby over for dessert last night after they ate turkey at Rod's parents place.
We are not the most traditional family, but we take our happiness where we find it and the blend improves all of our lives.
We continue to work on our homestudy, and who knows... maybe by next Thanksgiving we will have one extra family member... For today I am simply THANKFUL for the family I have.

Home Study Begins...

Well, we met our delightful social worker and began our home study this weekend. She was at our house for FOUR hours!!!! I don't know if that is normal, or if it is excessive, but she was so kind and willing to answer so many questions that it just wen on for ages.
She seemed to like the house, she was great with the dogs and she was totally in love with our boys... who wouldn't be?!? They are fantastic... not that I am biased or anything!
So now we just have a mountain of paperwork to get through before we officially begin our wait.
We are enrolling in a dual program in which we will be eligible for domestic or overseas children so we won't know until we have a referral from one source or the other where our baby will come from. I am at peace with this mystery and am ready to begin our adventure!!!

an update on the last post. Matt's student who presented about adoption with both of her mothers, caused such a sensation that she got to give a talk to the PTA about her presentation last night!!! We were all there to support this amazing young girl. I feel so blessed to see such a wonderful outcome for an adoptee all grown up and ready to go out into the world. It helps me feel very, very optimistic for our baby's future as a happy well adjusted soul, at peace with being adopted.

One Amazing Student

I had the great privilege last night of hearing one of Matt's 12th grade students give a presentation about being adopted. Her Birth mother sat on her left and her Mom sat on her right. She spoke about her own experiences and conflicts and she asked some very serious questions of the women that can both, in one sense or the other, claim her.

I have to admit that I cried through a lot of it. It was tense, it was moving, it was honest and at times surreal. But I also have to admit to having learned a lot about me.

I saw myself in the Mom's role and I empathized with her points of view and difficulty relinquishing control. I simply doubt my ability to do it with that much grace.

I also learned from this incredible threesome that honesty is the best gift a child can get.
I knew this from living with and loving Maris and Seth. The foundation of truth telling is one of the things that makes us a functioning blended family.

It re-confirmed to Matt and I that when and where ever we are blessed with our next child we will do anything in our power to keep them connected to their roots.

A child can love two cultures, two countries, two pasts and as I saw last night, two mothers. I hope to be brave enough one day to let my little one grow in the knowledge and love of all of the people that make their life a possibility.

long overdue update

My word!!! This fall has be a chaotic surprise and has left us little time to think or write. There has been a lot of stress on our little blended clan (well mostly on Matt and I, hopefully we kept it from spilling over on the kids too much!) We have between the two of us had a 1 broken bone, two unrelated surgeries, what is apparently a normal amount of financial panic and deep concerns over the long term financial picture.
Blessedly, as often happens in our life, our family and our community supported us through the whole tempest, and we are now cautiously thinking that we may be able to greet this new day with all of our hopes and dreams intact!
Our financial roller coaster lead us to purchase a home, (my home that I grew up in). Meeting after meeting with mortgage brokers has made it possible for us to secure a monthly payment we can live with an amazingly still allow us to pursue our dream of expanding our family. In our dark hours this fall we felt that health and money would prevent us from being able to add another person to our blend for many years.
Our health, God willing, appears to be intact and we are VERY CAUTIOUSLY optimistic about beginning a home study with an agency based right here in our neighborhood.
Our amazing boys are finished with their fall sports, and have made the transition to their new grades without any trouble. Maris ending his first quarter as a high school freshman, and super soccer player, with almost ALL 'A's. Seth, who is also an excellent student, went right the way through to the second round of the championships with his football team, again playing alongside boys in his weight class who are two to three years older than him!
Today our clouds have cleared and our future seems bright as a blended family of four as we trudge the road to happy destiny together :)