Now you see me, now you don't

One of the bitter sweet things about being a step mom who got step sons when they were a little older is how fast your kiddos become independent of you. Ever since we first started hanging out, Seth and I have had a special bond in the kitchen.Once a week (unless my mother is visiting, when she commandeers the kitchen and makes us all a little fatter...) Seth and I bake brownies together. He is an awesome chef and has a great instinct for cooking, among his many talents.

So I am a little bummed, as well as proud to note that he has begun baking solo for the last few weeks. He is testing out his Independence and doing a wonderful job. He is still asks for help with putting them in and taking out of the oven, but really he is now the man in charge of brownie night.

I guess I will just have to enjoy my brownies without having a hand in them. Maybe he will learn how to make cheesecake, mmm, cheesecake... On second thought, a girl could get used to this!!

a random musing...

You know how, if you are me, the second one of your friends tells you that they (or their wife) are going to have a baby, you have a list of automatic questions you need the answer too? One kind of like this:

Oh, my gosh!! When are you due?
Are you guys going to find out what you are having?
How long are you going to stay home?
How do you feel??
Do you have any ideas for names?

See it is a nice little list, and for people like me (those with the obsessive need for the answers to questions) it helps me mentally prepare for this new little addition to my friend/family world.

So, I have posted in the past from an "outside-looking-in" perspective on what "we the adopters" experience in this process, but have you ever considered what it must be like to be the friend of an adopter??

*We cannot with any real accuracy tell you when the little person will arrive.
*If you are with my agency, gender preference is not an option, so no dice there.
*I don't really know how long I get to stay home... my guess would be 6 weeks-ish unless the MMR (Mini-Mystery-Ravenstahl) shows up in the summer (yay, teaching!). I do, however, know that Matt has WAY more leave saved up than I do, so he will get to stay home longer. I am not really very bitter about this. I sort of hope that he will bring the MMR to lunch a couple times a week though.
*I feel fantastic! This one is a total bonus of adopting. I am sleeping great, my ankles are in full view and the scale is still a close friend of mine. I have been wearing the same size jeans the entire time we have been expecting!!
*Of course someone as obsessive as I am has names ready to go!

So, friend of adopter... I have some info, but no end date. There will be no pre-baby shower. We can plan an introduction party instead. I can't give regular updates because I don't get them. I live in the limbo of waiting. It isn't a bad place. There are lots of us here, and we have some fun while we wait, but it can't look very interesting to you from out there.
Stay tuned, though. You never know where this wild ride will take us. And your support and friendship does count... more than you know :)

Spring commings and goings...

Well, spring break has come and gone, and it was a pure delight. Rest, relaxation, time with family and TONS of overindulgence at the hands of my incredibly sweet mother in law. Goodnight sweet waistline!


I also got the chance to catch up with one of my college roomies and play with her adorable little ones, I could totally get into morning play dates with other mommies... sigh!


Back at work and in the world of Special Education, this is the high season. Tons of testing and legal paperwork augment my daily routine of instruction. It is tiring, but it certainly makes the end of the school year fly by!!


Adding to my end of school year chaos is the fact that my two years as a graduate student are rapidly coming to a close. I will be graduating with my master's degree in special education in a month... I can scarcely believe it.


At least my mother will be happy. She always said that I should finish grad school before having children. I supposed I half-followed that bit of advice. I won't have a baby until after grad school, but I have had children for a good four years now. Infact, one of the reasons I am so proud of this accomplishment is that I did it while working full time and raising a step-family. I think I also appreciate this academic accomplishment the most because it was all done on my own dime. Again, mom always used to say that when it was my money I was spending, I would take it more seriously... she is often right about things like that, just please don't tell her I said so :)


The boys looked completely adorable holding their brand new cousin. She is a little love who's favorite spot to nap is in the arms of a willing family member. Is there anything sweeter than spending an hour staring into the face of a tiny sleeping person??

No news is.... well... no news!

Sorry for the long absence from this blog!! I wish there was anything interesting to share, but we have had a fairly quiet month.

Work, work, work, soccer, grad school, housework, grocery shopping, sleep when possible and now finally... Spring Break.

(OK. I have to cop to having read the whole Twilight series in the time since the last post. I can't explain what happened. My inner 13 year old hijacked my body and made me keep turning the pages. My only comfort is the AMAZING amount of other 30 somethings I know who have also surrendered a week or two of their lives to this surprisingly addictive saga)

The weather has begun to warm up in time for this much needed break, the tree outside our bedroom window is full of fluffy white blossoms, and the dogs track mud into the house every time they go outside, so it must be spring :)

We are looking forward to Easter, even if this year there will be no egg dying ("we are too old for that") and there has been requests for Easter candy, but NOT for baskets.

We need this new baby to bring back some of the childlike joy that can surround holidays... our crew is just about too cool for school, and while they are magnificently independent, I miss the little traditions and holiday treats.

C'est la vie. We wait. At least we have nine million things to keep us busy in the mean time.
Happy Spring, Y'all!

Inching ever closer to the West Coast...

So for my 30th (which occurred some time last week) I am being given the gift of a weekend in Utah. Now, I know that some of my friends hit Paris for their 30th, and still others went off on fabulous "30" cruises to sunny, tropical places with clear blue waters and steel drums tinkling in the background, but I am continuing my conquest of the continental US by pushing my western frontier out to Salt Lake City.

It helps that Matt has a conference there that weekend and that the hotel is paid for, and that round trip air fair from DC to SLC is around $200, but I honestly am very excited to see more America and would have taken a spontaneous trip to this spot anyway.

My previous western forays have put me as far out of my eastern standard time zone as New Orleans (best single girl vacay spot, home to the afore mentioned Ariana and a really awesome spa with an outdoor massage deck) and Denver (unbelievably awkward last trip with first husband and his then coworker, now 2nd wife... yikes! Dull company, FANTASTIC scenery... including elk the size of elephants)

So my western experiences are limited, but my gut tells me that this heretofore un- rambled to portion of the US is going to leave a lasting impression. Take a peek at those mountains!! I love mountains! An honestly, I am fascinated by Mormon history and am totally going to spend Matt's conference hours in historical sites and museums and then give him enthralling (to me) historical lectures over dinners in the evening... I did my undergrad degree in history and am still a total dork for it.

I just can't wait. An adventure!!! Does anyone have any good SLC tips?? Bring on the end of April and a new frontier (yes, I really am that cheesy.)

Approaching end of Home Study

So tomorrow my very dear friend Ariana (seen here masterfully carving my wedding cake that was shaped like a pig on a bale of hay, all the while not complaining about the hideous sunflower print maid of honor frock and cowboy boots, pigtails or fun but extremely not grown-up ho-down themed wedding) arrives from Down South. She has one of those super cool government type jobs that leads her to the DC area from time to time and she and her cat, the infamous Kitmo, typically make our pad their base camp.

No idea why my three slobbering hounds all love this little black and white kitty... I think it is because she has mad street cred for being able to kick their doggie butts from one end of the house to the other. The only time anyone dared to try and be the boss of her, he came away with a sore, scratched nose... but normally there is no drama. Just extremely cute dog/cat nap pics.

Her arrival time is PERFECT because the only thing we need to do to finish our home study is to have the in-person interview of our primary reference. So within a week or two depending on schedules, we will be done with the homestudy.

I have to admit that my hell for leather pace has broken down in regards to the homestudy. I have taken my sweet time with many things because I know that the second it is done, then the last little tiny bit of control we have over the process is gone, and we sit in the void called "waiting" and we bloody well wait.

Here is a list of things that freak me out that we will be waiting for:

1. We wait for someone to connect with us either through an agency or personal contact who believes that we are the right family for her child... this completely and utterly blows my mind. This is, by far, the longest part of the wait and the bit that makes us wait to do other things like paint the nursery, buy cool baby stuff, or take an over seas vacation for fear of missing "the call." (Not like we will have much extra travel dosh in a year that we are not getting raises because of the county budget shortfall, and while we are saving all of our pennies for this blessed, adored... and possibly obsessed over baby)

Our overseas waiting friends get a very approximate wait time for their referral. At last check our social worker said we could expect 2 weeks to 3 years or anything in between... did I mention I LOVE not knowing things?!? yikes.

2. We wait to see if she/they really mean it... all the way through the termination of rights period. At least 2 weeks of which we are hypothetically housing, feeding, cuddling and loving a baby. I can not wrap my mind around how nerve wracking this could be.

3. We may possibly have to wait for paternal rights to expire on a different time line if there is an unknown birth father. More nail biting ensues.

I don't mean to focus solely on the negative. Holy cow! The benefits are astronomically greater than the risks. I know this with everything that I am, but I am also just a bit scared of the unknown. I think that is a pretty human response to this much unknown, actually. Thus, I blog. But really, handing over that last scrap of paper and becoming official... That feels like a giant, blind leap into the unknown.

So I am very glad that my near-sister is coming to stay for the next couple of months because I am about to turn into a basket case and I'm pretty sure Matt doesn't want to have to fill the role of in-house therapist all by himself!

Wild Weekend

O.k., So I just made my self laugh with the title of this entry because I actually do remember (some of) what used to pass for a wild weekend... and if you had told me at 20 what I would define as wild at 30 (T-minus 3 days) , I probably would have fallen right out of my keg stand.

Ces't LaVie!! Time marches on, and blessedly so does maturity and (thanks Claudia for the reminder) so do crows feet.

So with three decades tucked neatly away under my belt, what is it that passes for wild??

I'll tell you. It is a whirl wind of activity that begins on a Friday evening when 15 year old, newly minted JV soccer stud Maris arrives home from practice, shovels down a quick dinner and then- in direct contravention of the "be fast please" mandate- takes the world's longest shower and somehow slithers out of dish duty all the while making the family an hour and a half late for our five hour drive to Pittsburgh.

Arriving at the sanctuary I like to call my in-law's house at midnight, we chill for an hour or so and catch up with Grandma and Papa. I have to admit, I did indulge in a little post-drive venting. Just where does an 11 year old get contextual accuracy for "that's what she said" jokes anyway?... dear God, let that have come from school and not my house! Then it was off to bed to prepare for the big day to follow. Have I ever mentioned that the bed in my mother in law's guest room has a memory foam topper?? Blissful rest!

A new day dawned and it was off to buy toothbrushes and donuts. ( I honestly don't see an issue with this combination. ) My in-laws have a donut shop right behind their house. I try to convince myself that the 2.5 minute walk to Big Daddy's Donuts will counterbalance an apple fritter that is bigger than my head, but my jeans beg to differ.

Once home, fed, bathed and dressed, the crew headed to the other side of Crafton... a grueling 40 second drive, to meet the one and only, beautiful, delicious, fantastic and perfect Cate Anne Ravenstahl who entered the world on March 3rd. (where are the pictures of this newly earthbound angle? See above rant about departure time to see what I was stewing about instead of remembering my camera)

We spent one bliss full, peaceful, intoxicating day with our niece. We didn't leave the living room for most of the day, but I have to say that cuddling, cooing and drooling over this little princess was by far the best spent day I have had in ages.

Our "older" niece, the divine Miss Grace was spending the day with her other Grandma at the science center, but we did get a good hour and a half of Grace time in at the end of the day. She is a pretty awesome big sister... very quick on the draw with a pacifier when Cate utters even the smallest squeak. The boys were fantastic with both girls. They are very natural with babies and very patient with toddlers. They will be a fantastic help when our little one comes home.

Nieces are the best thing ever. I think it is even nicer to have nieces than to have your own children because you get all the good bits and leave when the kids get cranky! When those two got cranky at the end of the day we swanned out the door to the King's up the road and had dinner with Grandma, Papa and Matt's brother Mark and his wife Caroline. Then home to watch some Harry Potter and get some rest before an early morning trip home.

We hit the road after a quick trip through, you guessed it, Big Daddy's Donuts and headed back to VA for the birthday party of a special little man who made his entrance into the world a year ago. 5 hours of car trip togetherness and one "I have to go to Mommy's and get my math book!" later, we dropped Seth off at the X-box, I mean house, and headed off to the birthday party. Yes, that actually means that we have the kind of 15 year old sweet enough to spend 2 hours of his Sunday playing with babies!

High five to Misty, the Mommy, who knows that the best spot to have a kids party is anywhere other than your own home. The community center was a great choice and if I hadn't gotten my fill of adorable babies with Cate and Grace, then two hours on the floor with an assortment of gorgeous lovies was enough to round out my weekend.

I did, for the love of splendid one year olds and 15 year strong friendships, dance a few rounds of the awkwardness tango with the ex and his new Mrs, but I was very pleasant and per the aforementioned maturity, I made it through the entire experience focused on the wonderfulness that are my friends offspring, and made no snide comments to any one at all. Can you hear me patting my self on the back? Shameless self praise! I earned it :)

So my rip roaring weekend continued with a trip to Target, a half hour in the other sanctuary known as my husband's first wife's living room (how cool is that?) while finding the math book, and then some quality time spent in my own kitchen making yummy "Indian" food from scratch... parenthesis indicate my lack of actual culinary know how, leading to a marked lack of authenticity in our cuisine.

So it was with great satisfaction that I crawled into a steaming tub with a good book and soaked away the exhaustion of what now passes for a wild weekend in the life of this Ravenstahl... you can keep the Keg Stands. I wouldn't trade this life for anything!

Tumble Down The Step(s)-Mom

I stayed late at work last Friday night to catch up on some paperwork, and so that I could pick up Maris from soccer practice which is right next door to my school. All abuzz from productivity I strode out of my classroom door carrying my laptop bag, purse and some weekend paperwork. I zipped up my coat, put on my hat and headed down the stairs.

I don't know how I lost my footing. I just know that about 1 step into the 14 stairs of the second flight of stairs, I slipped. I made a valiant grab for the rail... I think I even held it for a moment. I very clearly remember thinking, "no, that isn't going to work, I'm actually going to fall." and fall I did. I somersaulted. I cracked the noggin about mid fall. I also got knees, hip and ribcage, and still somehow managed to land sitting up right on my amply padded posterior. A colleague head the thumps and came running to find me, legs a kimbo, sprawled on the floor amid the scattered debris of my purse and work bag, my cell phone and shoes still laying on the stairs.

He got my boss, who very kindly brought me ice and called Matt, then sat with me and kept me talking till Matt and Maris got there.

I could walk and talk but I was covered in bruises and I'm not sure I have ever had a headache like this one, so at my bosses request we "stopped by" the emergency room for three and a half hours. My dad, who is visiting from China, called to see if Maris would like to be picked up from the emergency room but he wanted to stay and make sure that everything was alright, and to crack jokes.

I have to honestly say that I am very lucky to live with a 15 year old who would voluntarily spend any time with his parents on a Friday night, let alone at the local emergency room. His jokes really were funny and it did make the time pass faster for Matt and I.

So I have been a lazy slug, feeling bruised, tired and sorry for my self. Matt has done most of the parenting/kid care stuff since Friday and the kids have been a dream. Maris called from a friends house on Saturday just to see how I was feeling. Seth curled up with Matt and I and watched movies until the three of us drifted off... it has all been quite relaxing really, despite the headache.

I'm not saying I would like another fall down the stairs, but I could get used to all the gentle care!!!

We heart New York

We took the kids on a long weekend trip to the big apple this past weekend... and despite the gruling 10 total hours spent in the car and the millions of dollars spent on tolls getting there (thanks, Delaware.... really! So glad we could help) we had a great time. We stayed in this tiny hotel way down Broadway in the garment district and we walked everywhere we went. Walking through Times Square with the kids was great, their eyes were popping out of their heads. There is a ferris wheel INSIDE the Toys R Us, and everything is completly over the top. It was pretty perfect. I love that they are old enough to do city things.
When we were first planning trips, they were only ever to outdoor places with plenty of room to run, becuase two little boys bare MANY resemblances to two puppie dogs, especially after long car rides. This time, they handled the trip well. They were really into the whole thing, even the trip to the Iridium Jazz Club to see the legendary, 93year old, Les Paul do absolutly amazing things on his guitar... guess which kid inspired our choice of show?
And even if my puppies, er, children did need half an hour of uniterrupted pillow fighting after the car ride to settle down, nothing was broken, and we made it back with out a scratch! We love New York and I love adding another page to the family scrap book.

I'm ruining your life...

A few brief posts ago I "totally got" my oldest step son. Today I am ruining his life. I am so good at it that I have accomplished this without even leaving my desk at work.

Technology must be the bane of any teen's existence when it means that the second your Spanish grade turns into a D, an e-mail goes out to your mom who quickly sends it to the rest of the members of "team parent". Then your unaccountably vile stepmother in whose home you are expected to sleep tonight grabs the cell phone and with a quick push of a button conferences with your dad, e-mails the team with an up date and (like the horrific monster that she pretends not to be) calls you guitar teacher and cancels your lesson that you had scheduled for tonight so that you can make up the work that you haven't turned in to your Spanish teacher.

If it is any consolation (and I promise you it will not be) I feel like a massive jerk. I have sacrificed a majority of my cool points on the alter of this Spanish grade... do you suppose he will thank me one day? yeah, I don't think so either.