*** The following is written in loving acceptance of my beloved family, friends and animals. It is a humorous, hyperbolic interpretation of what would otherwise be a ridiculously un-funny day... sadly; animals and people were harmed in the making of this Blog post.
***** Please do not turn me in to PETA. I love all animals, especially my own, I sometimes just need to laugh to keep from crying!
So when we were in Salt Lake City (which I promise to write a picture filled post about soon) we got a call letting us know that our Golden Retriever, Miles, had mysteriously escaped the yard and found a dog that was outside in his own invisible fence enclosure. Miles is typically a friendly, slobbery, loving creature so, of course, he practically ate the dog and we came home to an emergency vet bill for $1300 and a strangely unfriendly neighbor...
I now hate that dog (Miles), almost as much as that neighbor hates me. I hope he chokes on the next peanut butter jar he steals off the counter and consumes in the center of the living room floor. Frankly I am only refusing to consider having him put to sleep because I don't want to spend $200 on Miles right after spending $1300 on someone else's dog, and after (I cannot make this stuff up) the lawn mower burst into smoking flames when Matt tried to mow the lawn this afternoon.
Still, we could not figure out for the life of us how he managed to escape, unless some neighborhood mischief maker had opened one of the gates... Matt went out at midnight last night (as soon as we got home) and checked every inch of fence and gate and just could not imagine how he could have broken out without help. Matt has been assiduously maintaining and fixing every little thing that goes wrong with that fence like it was a second job.
Well it turns out that Maris forgot some things at our place this weekend... big surprise there... so Laura brought him over to grab it. He went in through the back door and out through the front and, you guessed it!, didn't shut the gate, so when Ariana let the dogs out, off they all ran (except Gobby who evidently knows which side his bread is buttered on)
As per my usual dog-related humiliation, my former babysitter and now backyard neighbor, Christina sent her daughter to alert Ariana that the dogs were out. She leashlessly wrestled them home, still unaware of the fracas that had just occurred. As a testament to Ariana's skill with dogs, Monroe bit her on the arm for her trouble. In his defense, I have also been tempted to bite Ariana from time to time. When you love someone like a sister, they can get to you, ya know?
So what to do with the walking mass of absentminded hormones and puffy hair who is my beloved oldest stepchild??? He is going to bloody well come with me to drop the check of to the neighbor and apologize. I am also going to make him get on all fours and apologize to the dog. I was given a full color 8.5 by 11 digital picture of the wound site with the itemized bill, and I'm going to tell you that I am not going anyway near that oozy mess with all six of its stitches and its shunty-looking thing... did I mention I hate Miles?
So that is Maris's recompense for the ill done to random neighbor with stupid electric fence that offers no protection and only keeps their dog in like some form of mobile, canned dog treat for larger, more evil canines. (apparently my silly, slobber-faced, tummy-rub junkie is one of these)
But what about the damage done to my bank account? Did the child not know that we lived in a house with three large dogs who often go outside, therefore necessitating the shutting of the gate? They are rather hard to miss, Miles weighs in around 70lbs... Matt and I decided he will either be our personal unpaid lawn boy for the ENTIRE summer, or that he can sell one of his four guitars to contribute to the financial hit. Personally I would rather have the free lawn service, but he seems to think that selling a guitar is the more painless of the two options. Apparently sweating away at mowing the lawn while your step mother sits on the deck, reading a book in a floppy sun hat while sipping iced-tea does not seem like the softer option! ... go figure.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
In which my family, friends, and neighbors are picked on in order that I might feel better about my day...
Posted by The Ravenstahls at 6:57 PM
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2 comments:
Ugh! Oh man, that sucks about Miles. He just needs to hang around with Bob Laurence, Mr. Good Behavior. Not.
Cindy
I love animals too - really - but your reason for not putting him to sleep made me laugh and laugh :)
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