So I was discovering the very funny and enjoyable http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com/ and I read her post about becoming a soccer mom for the first time for her Bio Son. I tapped out a quick comment and it got me thinking... Soccer is the key to my life's happiness.
This sounds a bit strange, no? But I honestly believe it is true. When Matt and I were first dating, and it came time for me to meet the boys, I was invited to a soccer game that Maris was playing in. I thought it would be a cute and fun thing to do on a Sunday morning and hopped into the car completely ignorant of what awaited me.
The boy plays TRAVEL SOCCER which is apparently a religion. Although he was a mere 11 years old at the time it became clear from the moment we arrived that soccer is a kind of a HUGE FREAKING DEAL. My charming funny new boyfriend turned into a stressed out sports parent eagerly watching every strike, crossover, and goal attempt on the field. He paced, he cheered, he groaned, he spoke in hushed tones to other soccer dads, and he forgot I was there.
You may think it was a total turn off to be abandoned at a soccer field I had never been to in the middle of a gaggle of moms who took one look at this young chick in heels and instantly assumed that I was a life long tramp and not just an idiot who didn't know anything about soccer game appropriate footwear... well at first it was, but as I wasn't talking to anyone, I got a chance to watch Matt in action as a parent and I think I began to realize right there on that field that this was indeed not just a charming, funny boyfriend, but a real life, honest to god, good man. He was completely focused on his kid and their common interest of this sport. He wanted to know what the coach had said to him, how he felt about the game, the ref, his own performance. He wasn't being a tacky, pushy, sports parent, he was involved! He really cared! I though these men only existed in magazines.
So I kept going to games. I realized that tennis shoes were the right shoes, that folding chairs were a godsend that deserved permanent residency in the trunk of my car, and that a blanket and a hot cup of coffee on a windy day were just this side of heaven. I learned, a little, about what was going on in the game, how obnoxious OTHER children's parents/coaches could be and that if you try to impress 11year old boy with a snack in a Fancy bag tied with ribbon, you not only fail to impress them, but you waste an evening that you could have enjoyed and you irritate the poor little buggers trying to eat snack.
It was on the sidelines of these games, without the boyfriend to talk to that I found myself sitting next to Matt's ex-wife. Awkward as it could have been she was the softer option... the other mommies just assumed I was a home wreaking hussy and were none to warm. Besides, she seemed funny, and she didn't bite.
Superficial conversations turned to talks about the boys and we realized that our common interest gave us a lot to talk about. I can not express my gratitude for the lack of suspicion with which she greeted my motives, or the outright empathy she had for me when I was the recipient of occasional sassy comments from her offspring, or just suffering from over-scheduleitis. I had no right to expect a perfect stranger to move over on the parent bench and pat the seat beside her, but holy cow! That is what happened.
It wasn't instant, it was a trust that has built over years, but in a very real way it is as important to the success of my blended family as the love I hold for the three Ravenstahls that complete my life. How could my boys be happy in a home run by a woman who made them feel uncomfortable about having a mom? I can be a shallow, temperamental person from time to time, it could have gone either way. I would have been (in my youthful ignorance of blended life) just as happy to return unkind gestures, I suppose. Instead I was able to return positive actions in kind and assure the kids with actions that I knew and valued their mom and her primary parenting role. The grace that made that healthy bio to step mom relationship possible is a big part of the happiness I have in my life.
She and I, along with Matt and the nice moms from our awesome team (not the same as the first one) stood together this weekend and cheered our guts out... probably embarrassing the crap out of the 14, nearly 15 year old players we were there to suport.
This is the life I never knew I always wanted... and it's all because of Soccer.
This sounds a bit strange, no? But I honestly believe it is true. When Matt and I were first dating, and it came time for me to meet the boys, I was invited to a soccer game that Maris was playing in. I thought it would be a cute and fun thing to do on a Sunday morning and hopped into the car completely ignorant of what awaited me.
The boy plays TRAVEL SOCCER which is apparently a religion. Although he was a mere 11 years old at the time it became clear from the moment we arrived that soccer is a kind of a HUGE FREAKING DEAL. My charming funny new boyfriend turned into a stressed out sports parent eagerly watching every strike, crossover, and goal attempt on the field. He paced, he cheered, he groaned, he spoke in hushed tones to other soccer dads, and he forgot I was there.
You may think it was a total turn off to be abandoned at a soccer field I had never been to in the middle of a gaggle of moms who took one look at this young chick in heels and instantly assumed that I was a life long tramp and not just an idiot who didn't know anything about soccer game appropriate footwear... well at first it was, but as I wasn't talking to anyone, I got a chance to watch Matt in action as a parent and I think I began to realize right there on that field that this was indeed not just a charming, funny boyfriend, but a real life, honest to god, good man. He was completely focused on his kid and their common interest of this sport. He wanted to know what the coach had said to him, how he felt about the game, the ref, his own performance. He wasn't being a tacky, pushy, sports parent, he was involved! He really cared! I though these men only existed in magazines.
So I kept going to games. I realized that tennis shoes were the right shoes, that folding chairs were a godsend that deserved permanent residency in the trunk of my car, and that a blanket and a hot cup of coffee on a windy day were just this side of heaven. I learned, a little, about what was going on in the game, how obnoxious OTHER children's parents/coaches could be and that if you try to impress 11year old boy with a snack in a Fancy bag tied with ribbon, you not only fail to impress them, but you waste an evening that you could have enjoyed and you irritate the poor little buggers trying to eat snack.
It was on the sidelines of these games, without the boyfriend to talk to that I found myself sitting next to Matt's ex-wife. Awkward as it could have been she was the softer option... the other mommies just assumed I was a home wreaking hussy and were none to warm. Besides, she seemed funny, and she didn't bite.
Superficial conversations turned to talks about the boys and we realized that our common interest gave us a lot to talk about. I can not express my gratitude for the lack of suspicion with which she greeted my motives, or the outright empathy she had for me when I was the recipient of occasional sassy comments from her offspring, or just suffering from over-scheduleitis. I had no right to expect a perfect stranger to move over on the parent bench and pat the seat beside her, but holy cow! That is what happened.
It wasn't instant, it was a trust that has built over years, but in a very real way it is as important to the success of my blended family as the love I hold for the three Ravenstahls that complete my life. How could my boys be happy in a home run by a woman who made them feel uncomfortable about having a mom? I can be a shallow, temperamental person from time to time, it could have gone either way. I would have been (in my youthful ignorance of blended life) just as happy to return unkind gestures, I suppose. Instead I was able to return positive actions in kind and assure the kids with actions that I knew and valued their mom and her primary parenting role. The grace that made that healthy bio to step mom relationship possible is a big part of the happiness I have in my life.
She and I, along with Matt and the nice moms from our awesome team (not the same as the first one) stood together this weekend and cheered our guts out... probably embarrassing the crap out of the 14, nearly 15 year old players we were there to suport.
This is the life I never knew I always wanted... and it's all because of Soccer.
