A Wedding...

This weekend Matt and I were out of town at a wedding. It was beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

As I was sitting in the church listening to the priest it made me remember our wedding. We put a ton of thought into the ceremony and (even though this is completely bragging) we came up with a really great fit for our unique needs as a blended family.
Like most traditional weddings there was a primary focus on the husband and the wife, unlike many wedding ceremonies, this was a true hands on, family affair.

My mother-in-law, who is a Lutheran minister, presided over the service.
She spoke first to Matt and I and we solemnized our vows. Then, she spoke to the children and to me about the special bond we would share together. We also spoke vows and I gave each boy a ring (this seemed a little feminine to me, but the boys insisted they wanted the jewelry)
My mother in law even worked in a nice mention of the boys bond to their mother and step father who were guests at the wedding as well. It was beautiful, and I have said more than once that my mother in law should send the sermon she wrote in to a family magazine, it truly was the thing I remember the most from that day.

We were very kid focused about our wedding. It was clear to Matt and I that this was about more than just a couple coming together, it was about formally stating our commitment to becoming a family.

The commitment, however, was the only thing formal about the day!! We rented out a big red barn at a local farm, hired the best BBQ joint in town to cater, got a square dance caller, a few bales of hay, some cowboy hats and boots and had a big barn dance of a wedding. We even hired a specialty baker to make us a cake in the shape of a pig on a bale of hay with an apple in its mouth. The kids thought it was a blast and were happy to scamper around the farm in overalls instead of keeping clean in nice church clothes, and we were able to relax, eat and enjoy the day knowing that the kids and our families were just having a laid back good time.

I know most people wouldn't choose an extremely non-traditional wedding, but since we had both already had white weddings, we just went in a totally new direction. The theme of the day was much less important than the importance we placed on this being about all of us coming together as a family. I think that setting our foundation in this way has made it easier for the kids to feel like they belong with us just as much as they belong anywhere. They feel comfortable being a part of our marriage and feel included in the love.

We have many days when the closeness wears thin, or when I just plain need a break (or for the kids to get off my bed and watch TV elsewhere!) but it always comes down to us as a foursome. I am lucky to say that for the most part I miss them when they are with their mom, even though there are days when I am ready for them to head of the the other 50% of their custody arrangement. My marriage couldn't work if it wasn't a place for the boys to grow roots and thrive.

When I was younger weddings made me think of what I wanted out of life, when I was married to my first husband they used to make me think of the things that I didn't have, and now they make me feel profoundly grateful for the life I have been given.