Going to the dogs...

So as part of our home study paperwork, we have to certify that all living breathing members of our family are healthy and will in no way be a detriment to our newest family member. The older ones, including adorable older stepson, must be finger printed and have criminal background checks... very official! (Maris is actually quite pleased that he gets to be in on the police station fun... he's a nut, what can I say!)

So, since my dogs are living, and from the wretched breath, I know still breathing, they must also be completely "vetted"... get it? (it's a weak pun, but it's all I've got today.)

So I called my vet to see what this process would entail (i.e. cost) and I was presented with a $500 dollar estimate. After I picked my jaw up off the floor and reminded my self that the three of them are precious to us, no matter the cost, I began to phone around. I have now found a nice vet office where a friend of mine works who will do all the basics and sign off on all the paperwork for the bargain price of $300.

Do you know that it cost all four people a whopping $60 total to get the same, or similar thing accomplished? And we ask questions, talk back, and make lame jokes about paper gowns. I guarantee that my puppies will be easier to deal with.

It makes me feel very grateful for health insurance. It also makes me think that next time I consider getting a dog, I should just donate $300 to the local Quaker meeting that has a program to buy insurance for the uninsured.

On a totally different and completely braggy note, youngest step Son is getting an award tonight for being a scholar/athlete. This means he made it through all of his football season with A's and B's despite 9 hours of practice a week.... what a kid!

That Lonesome Road

Ever feel like you are the only person in your daily contact life that has a clue what this whole thing feels like?
I bet other people don't have to spend $500 at the vet to ensure that their dogs don't get in the way of parenthood (homestudy paperwork)
I am also pretty sure that pregancy does not require a check of smoke detector and fire escape plans either... but maybe it should...
It just reminds me that my nutty life would make me feel very strange if I didn't have this forum to help me connect with other step moms and waiting adoptive parents... now if I could only find the step parent/waiting parent/ designated husband's first wife as new baby's gaurdian (in case we die) forum then I might truly feel like I was one among many!!!!
Seriously though. I am so greatful for you all... :)

Please Read This

So often I am overwhelmed by the love of the international/transracial adoption community. I feel so privileged to be a part of this wonderful world.
Like so many other wonderful things in my life, it has a boundary and beyond that boundary lies a somewhat more intense often crueler world. As my family journeys towards it's next member I find my self researching the world outside of the embracing, loving adoption blogosphere.
i recently read this article www.thestranger.com/seattle/black_kids_in_white_houses/Content?oid=787542 and I have to say that although it has some very difficult bits, in the end I found it to be useful and I did not finish it feeling hopeless... rather, it left me cautiously optimistic about what I can do for my child if I am willing to stand up and move out of my own comfort zone.
Just food for thought... this article is not a representation of my opinions, just something I felt I could pass on.

Turkey Day... one day late.

So I am cooking turkey the day after thanksgiving. What bennies does this offer other than having, this morning, paid no more that $0.75 for any one dinner ingredient thanks to day after sales?
Well, it means I get to eat with more members of my clan. My mom arrived late last night from China, so we can enjoy our feast and celebrate her return.
Missing from our table are my dad, still in China, and my brother ands his wife who managed to get out of Mumbai a few days ahead of the massacre, thank God.
Adding to our fun blend, we did have the boys momma, Laura, her hubby and their baby over for dessert last night after they ate turkey at Rod's parents place.
We are not the most traditional family, but we take our happiness where we find it and the blend improves all of our lives.
We continue to work on our homestudy, and who knows... maybe by next Thanksgiving we will have one extra family member... For today I am simply THANKFUL for the family I have.

Home Study Begins...

Well, we met our delightful social worker and began our home study this weekend. She was at our house for FOUR hours!!!! I don't know if that is normal, or if it is excessive, but she was so kind and willing to answer so many questions that it just wen on for ages.
She seemed to like the house, she was great with the dogs and she was totally in love with our boys... who wouldn't be?!? They are fantastic... not that I am biased or anything!
So now we just have a mountain of paperwork to get through before we officially begin our wait.
We are enrolling in a dual program in which we will be eligible for domestic or overseas children so we won't know until we have a referral from one source or the other where our baby will come from. I am at peace with this mystery and am ready to begin our adventure!!!

an update on the last post. Matt's student who presented about adoption with both of her mothers, caused such a sensation that she got to give a talk to the PTA about her presentation last night!!! We were all there to support this amazing young girl. I feel so blessed to see such a wonderful outcome for an adoptee all grown up and ready to go out into the world. It helps me feel very, very optimistic for our baby's future as a happy well adjusted soul, at peace with being adopted.

One Amazing Student

I had the great privilege last night of hearing one of Matt's 12th grade students give a presentation about being adopted. Her Birth mother sat on her left and her Mom sat on her right. She spoke about her own experiences and conflicts and she asked some very serious questions of the women that can both, in one sense or the other, claim her.

I have to admit that I cried through a lot of it. It was tense, it was moving, it was honest and at times surreal. But I also have to admit to having learned a lot about me.

I saw myself in the Mom's role and I empathized with her points of view and difficulty relinquishing control. I simply doubt my ability to do it with that much grace.

I also learned from this incredible threesome that honesty is the best gift a child can get.
I knew this from living with and loving Maris and Seth. The foundation of truth telling is one of the things that makes us a functioning blended family.

It re-confirmed to Matt and I that when and where ever we are blessed with our next child we will do anything in our power to keep them connected to their roots.

A child can love two cultures, two countries, two pasts and as I saw last night, two mothers. I hope to be brave enough one day to let my little one grow in the knowledge and love of all of the people that make their life a possibility.

long overdue update

My word!!! This fall has be a chaotic surprise and has left us little time to think or write. There has been a lot of stress on our little blended clan (well mostly on Matt and I, hopefully we kept it from spilling over on the kids too much!) We have between the two of us had a 1 broken bone, two unrelated surgeries, what is apparently a normal amount of financial panic and deep concerns over the long term financial picture.
Blessedly, as often happens in our life, our family and our community supported us through the whole tempest, and we are now cautiously thinking that we may be able to greet this new day with all of our hopes and dreams intact!
Our financial roller coaster lead us to purchase a home, (my home that I grew up in). Meeting after meeting with mortgage brokers has made it possible for us to secure a monthly payment we can live with an amazingly still allow us to pursue our dream of expanding our family. In our dark hours this fall we felt that health and money would prevent us from being able to add another person to our blend for many years.
Our health, God willing, appears to be intact and we are VERY CAUTIOUSLY optimistic about beginning a home study with an agency based right here in our neighborhood.
Our amazing boys are finished with their fall sports, and have made the transition to their new grades without any trouble. Maris ending his first quarter as a high school freshman, and super soccer player, with almost ALL 'A's. Seth, who is also an excellent student, went right the way through to the second round of the championships with his football team, again playing alongside boys in his weight class who are two to three years older than him!
Today our clouds have cleared and our future seems bright as a blended family of four as we trudge the road to happy destiny together :)

A Wedding...

This weekend Matt and I were out of town at a wedding. It was beautiful, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself.

As I was sitting in the church listening to the priest it made me remember our wedding. We put a ton of thought into the ceremony and (even though this is completely bragging) we came up with a really great fit for our unique needs as a blended family.
Like most traditional weddings there was a primary focus on the husband and the wife, unlike many wedding ceremonies, this was a true hands on, family affair.

My mother-in-law, who is a Lutheran minister, presided over the service.
She spoke first to Matt and I and we solemnized our vows. Then, she spoke to the children and to me about the special bond we would share together. We also spoke vows and I gave each boy a ring (this seemed a little feminine to me, but the boys insisted they wanted the jewelry)
My mother in law even worked in a nice mention of the boys bond to their mother and step father who were guests at the wedding as well. It was beautiful, and I have said more than once that my mother in law should send the sermon she wrote in to a family magazine, it truly was the thing I remember the most from that day.

We were very kid focused about our wedding. It was clear to Matt and I that this was about more than just a couple coming together, it was about formally stating our commitment to becoming a family.

The commitment, however, was the only thing formal about the day!! We rented out a big red barn at a local farm, hired the best BBQ joint in town to cater, got a square dance caller, a few bales of hay, some cowboy hats and boots and had a big barn dance of a wedding. We even hired a specialty baker to make us a cake in the shape of a pig on a bale of hay with an apple in its mouth. The kids thought it was a blast and were happy to scamper around the farm in overalls instead of keeping clean in nice church clothes, and we were able to relax, eat and enjoy the day knowing that the kids and our families were just having a laid back good time.

I know most people wouldn't choose an extremely non-traditional wedding, but since we had both already had white weddings, we just went in a totally new direction. The theme of the day was much less important than the importance we placed on this being about all of us coming together as a family. I think that setting our foundation in this way has made it easier for the kids to feel like they belong with us just as much as they belong anywhere. They feel comfortable being a part of our marriage and feel included in the love.

We have many days when the closeness wears thin, or when I just plain need a break (or for the kids to get off my bed and watch TV elsewhere!) but it always comes down to us as a foursome. I am lucky to say that for the most part I miss them when they are with their mom, even though there are days when I am ready for them to head of the the other 50% of their custody arrangement. My marriage couldn't work if it wasn't a place for the boys to grow roots and thrive.

When I was younger weddings made me think of what I wanted out of life, when I was married to my first husband they used to make me think of the things that I didn't have, and now they make me feel profoundly grateful for the life I have been given.

Soccer, and the meaning of life.

So I was discovering the very funny and enjoyable http://wickedstepmom.blogspot.com/ and I read her post about becoming a soccer mom for the first time for her Bio Son. I tapped out a quick comment and it got me thinking... Soccer is the key to my life's happiness.

This sounds a bit strange, no? But I honestly believe it is true. When Matt and I were first dating, and it came time for me to meet the boys, I was invited to a soccer game that Maris was playing in. I thought it would be a cute and fun thing to do on a Sunday morning and hopped into the car completely ignorant of what awaited me.

The boy plays TRAVEL SOCCER which is apparently a religion. Although he was a mere 11 years old at the time it became clear from the moment we arrived that soccer is a kind of a HUGE FREAKING DEAL. My charming funny new boyfriend turned into a stressed out sports parent eagerly watching every strike, crossover, and goal attempt on the field. He paced, he cheered, he groaned, he spoke in hushed tones to other soccer dads, and he forgot I was there.

You may think it was a total turn off to be abandoned at a soccer field I had never been to in the middle of a gaggle of moms who took one look at this young chick in heels and instantly assumed that I was a life long tramp and not just an idiot who didn't know anything about soccer game appropriate footwear... well at first it was, but as I wasn't talking to anyone, I got a chance to watch Matt in action as a parent and I think I began to realize right there on that field that this was indeed not just a charming, funny boyfriend, but a real life, honest to god, good man. He was completely focused on his kid and their common interest of this sport. He wanted to know what the coach had said to him, how he felt about the game, the ref, his own performance. He wasn't being a tacky, pushy, sports parent, he was involved! He really cared! I though these men only existed in magazines.

So I kept going to games. I realized that tennis shoes were the right shoes, that folding chairs were a godsend that deserved permanent residency in the trunk of my car, and that a blanket and a hot cup of coffee on a windy day were just this side of heaven. I learned, a little, about what was going on in the game, how obnoxious OTHER children's parents/coaches could be and that if you try to impress 11year old boy with a snack in a Fancy bag tied with ribbon, you not only fail to impress them, but you waste an evening that you could have enjoyed and you irritate the poor little buggers trying to eat snack.

It was on the sidelines of these games, without the boyfriend to talk to that I found myself sitting next to Matt's ex-wife. Awkward as it could have been she was the softer option... the other mommies just assumed I was a home wreaking hussy and were none to warm. Besides, she seemed funny, and she didn't bite.

Superficial conversations turned to talks about the boys and we realized that our common interest gave us a lot to talk about. I can not express my gratitude for the lack of suspicion with which she greeted my motives, or the outright empathy she had for me when I was the recipient of occasional sassy comments from her offspring, or just suffering from over-scheduleitis. I had no right to expect a perfect stranger to move over on the parent bench and pat the seat beside her, but holy cow! That is what happened.

It wasn't instant, it was a trust that has built over years, but in a very real way it is as important to the success of my blended family as the love I hold for the three Ravenstahls that complete my life. How could my boys be happy in a home run by a woman who made them feel uncomfortable about having a mom? I can be a shallow, temperamental person from time to time, it could have gone either way. I would have been (in my youthful ignorance of blended life) just as happy to return unkind gestures, I suppose. Instead I was able to return positive actions in kind and assure the kids with actions that I knew and valued their mom and her primary parenting role. The grace that made that healthy bio to step mom relationship possible is a big part of the happiness I have in my life.

She and I, along with Matt and the nice moms from our awesome team (not the same as the first one) stood together this weekend and cheered our guts out... probably embarrassing the crap out of the 14, nearly 15 year old players we were there to suport.

This is the life I never knew I always wanted... and it's all because of Soccer.

Back to School Night

Last night was back to school night for my youngest step-son. I was supposed to be in grad school and wasn't going to attend... actually, I have never been to one, feeling that Matt and Laura probably have this covered, but I got let out early, and Matt asked me to come.

I have to say that even though Laura has never made me feel like a trespasser with her children, I did feel like a bit of a heel walking in... I sometimes wonder how I would feel if I was a bio-mom who had to live a life that involved a step mom. I don't know if I would be as welcoming as she is.

Still, I walked in and sat down with Laura, Matt and Seth's best bud's dad, Stan.

I get so paranoid at after school events that involve parents. I always feel like I am an instantly recognizably step-parent and that all the other "real moms" must instantly dislike me... silly, I know. No one has ever been mean to me or made me feel unwelcome outside of my own head.

So we went through the night as a foursome until Stan headed to his kid's room and the three of us went to Seth's room.

Laura signed up for conferences. I won't go, I really do feel like this is for the two of them and that I can handle a supporting role better. After sign up, we all three of us crowded around the desk of our fifth grader and read some of his poetry and the goals he had set for his year. He has such an amazing sense of humor and discipline!!

We listened to the teacher talk and I felt really proud of Seth as she outlined her expectations and I became convinced that he was up for the challenge. Laura and Matt included me effortlessly into this yearly ritual and I loved it. I feel honored to be part of such a family and proud to be pitching in to raise such a great guy. I am looking forward to getting to Maris's back to school night now.

We have lived together for a long time and been an official family for more than a year, and it feels more and more like a genuine family every day. I have always loved the kids, like I love all cute funny little people, but watching them grow for the last four years that has deepened into something much more.

I never thought that being married or not would affect the bond I have with the kids, but I can see now that it has given them a sense of permanence and trust that has strengthened our relationship in many positive ways.

I know it sounds all gooey and sunshiney... believe me there have been many hurt feelings, frustrations and dark days. The big picture, however, is a family life FULL of people that mean a lot to me. I couldn't imagine my life without them.

A New View

With the world of family expansion being such a complicated place, we took a vote and decided to change our perspective on blogging and talk about the things that we do best, instead of the arduous struggle side of things.
Our defining characteristic is that we are a blended family made up of pieces of other original set-ups, and we fit together in some pretty great ways.
While we will persue the expansion of our family, we are wiser and a bit more circumspect than before and will be pursuing it on the "down-low" so to speak.
We are more focused on what is here and now... taking life one day at a time. We can't wait to meet more bloggers in the world of blended families!!!!

Blackle

So while I am on my do good in the world kick, let me encourage all of you to visit, use and even set your home page to www.blackle.com.
It is a search site powered by Google that has a mostly black back screen and even though each of using it only save the tiniest bit of energy at a time... think about all these tiny bits added up across the world... I mean how many times a day do you Google? How about your friends?
I am a lazy environmentalist to say the east, but I love the idea of taking a tiny step and making a continuing difference!!
Thanks,
-Nia

FREE RICE

Since every time I turn on the news this week all I hear about is the devistating increase in the cost of staple foods all over the world, I beg everyone to go to www.freerice.com and play this delightful (and humbling) game that can help feed a hungry person... I plan on spending a little time there every day!
A happy weekend to all :)
-Nia

Ten Quirky Things...

So I read Kerri's blog, which I guess means I've been tagged :)
I secretly adore tags because it is fun to learn random things about people... so here goes my random ten things:

1. Even though I have flown my whole life, I am terrified of flying. I force my self to fly as often as I can to see if I can get over it... no luck yet, but I'm not giving up hope!

2. I LOVE the song Devil Went Down to Georgia, by the Charlie Daniel's Band... other than that I think I have pretty good taste.

3. I still have the little bunny that I had in my crib as a baby... I just can't seem to throw her away.

4. I am very superstitious... I can't not throw a pinch of salt over my shoulder if I spill it.

5. I call everyone Charlie the way some people use man or dude.

6. I sleep with my beagle/shepherd mix Monroe snuggled in my arms like a teddy bear.

7. I have a weird shark phobia that apparently only extends to water that is higher than my belly button.

8. My hands have to be busy when I watch t.v. I cross-stitch and crochet tons of stuff for my friends and family.

9. I have huge control issues about my kitchen, I can't be happy unless I do the cooking... this does not extend to the dishes.

10. Every week when I make my grocery list, I write down the projected price for each thing on the list, total it up and then spend my whole trip to the store trying to beat my goal price. (I cash out the difference and put it in our vacation account... we have done many cool things with this money over the years)

Just like Kerri, I tag anyone who reads this and ask that you leave a comment to let me know :)

Tags 4 Ethiopia

I just have to put a plug in for http://customtags4you.blogspot.com This site is run by Renee, a great blogger who is working towards bringing home her third wonderful child from Ethiopia. As I understand it, they are using this site to fund part of the process.
I peeked at the site when it went up and I ordered 4 tags for our bags on this summer's trip to China. Moments later, well days- but it was fast, I had my colorful adorable luggage tags for China... complete with cute Dragons for the boys!
If you need tags or labels for anything, check them out!

We Love Easter

We had a great trip to Pittsburgh to visit my inlaws. Easter is a pretty relaxed affair (once my inlaws are done working... they are respectively pastors of two area Lutheran Churches)

once we had all worshiped together we came home and stuffed our faces! lets just say that Grandma can cook!

We didn't take enough pictures... I realize that we got no one in their easter finery and we left town without a single new picture of my adorable niece Grace. This always happens!

This picture is Matt's mom, Barbara, holding Emily who is the little sister (by way of remarriage of their mom) to our two boys Seth (left) and Maris (right). The lady in the front is my mom, Dorothy.

Since we all hang together (first and second wife, and first wife's second husband and their daughter, Matt, our boys, uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents) You would need a cast list to keep them all straight... lets just say it was tons of chaos, tons of food, and tons of fun!

Now if I could just loose the million pounds I put on this week, I might even post a picture of me with my family!

Other great news we got was a phone call from my dad letting us know that he had landed safely in Dubai and that he will be home next sunday.

It is a huge relief that he will be out of harms way. Even though he did not go near combat in Iraq and was just rebuilding telecommunications infrastructure, it scared me to death to think of him living in a place that could be hit by a rocket without warning.

Lots of prayers have gotten us through this last 18 months!

Spring Break!!!!!

What could be cooler than a week off to spend catching up on all of the things we never get the chance to do! Even though the break technically begins tomorrow, we have already been caught up in the spirit. Matt has washed all the carpets and washed all the floors and even cleaned all of the windows, the kids even (kind of) cleaned their rooms. I made the kitchen spotless and perfect too (for about 5 minutes until we needed to use it again)

We also got the honor of babysitting our sons' little sister over night on Saturday. She is two and a total doll. Our unusually cordial ex-spouse/new spouse relationship is one of the true joys of my life. Without the firm foundation of mutual respect and friendship between all four parents, we could not offer our boys the stability and comfort the deserve. I can claim no credit for this blessing... it is all a gift. I will have to write a bit more about Laura another day. I don't think I ever thought when I was growing up that one day one of my favorite people would be the first wife of my beloved husband... just goes to show that life is a funny old thing.

The rest of the week should be pretty calm, if I am a very good girl I will go to Yoga three times... heavy emphasis on the "if". Then we are heading up to Pittsburgh for the holiday so that we can be spoiled rotten by my mother in law... Hands down the best Easter ham going!!

I love my job, but I have to say that I am pretty fond of the vacations we get from teaching too :)

Mason is here!!

After 12 hours of hard work, Mason came into the world last night and made his Mommy and Daddy the happiest and cutest family around!!

Big congrats to Misty and Beau!!!!

Today will be Mason's Birthday!!!

Mason Juniper Sherman is on his way into the world. His mommy Misty just texted me to say they are heading to the hospital!!

I have a parent meeting at 1:30 then I am going too!!!!

I can't wait to meet this fantastic addition to our family of friends!!!

His beautiful Momma is the one on the left. The other lovely lady, Rachel, is Momma to my sweetest girls Ella and Sophie.